I am a professional procrastinator. It is a skill I have perfected with thousands of hours of training and a keen eye constantly on the lookout for opportunities to display my craft. It has provided me the chance to firmly place control of my art career upon the golden doorstep of not having enough time to paint.
Work, family, errands all tend to prioritize higher than setting aside more time to create.
This is my noble quest, to hold out as proof to those I love – my art will just have to wait for the grass to be cut and the gutters to be cleaned out. Once I make the kids a sandwich then I will nearly, almost, just about be ready to go upstairs and make a painting…right after I put in a load of laundry.
I have worn those delay tactics like a badge of sacrifice – my Red Badge of Courage (that bit is for my Mother). This has been my way of showing I wasn’t self-centered, self-obsessed, self-ish.
Unfortunately there are no awards for stifling your inner narcissist. It’s just the same old recipe everyone uses when trying to do something they are not totally comfortable with. The recipe is as follows – equal parts fear and insecurity mixed with a dash of procrastination and a heaping tablespoon of self-deprication all served with a fresh side of guacamole. What?… guacamole is delicious and it goes with everything.
This internal conversation has been a part of my thinking for years. A decades-long game of hide-and-seek that I couldn’t possibly win until suddenly something changes. And just like that the timing seems right, the tides shift and I realize what is truly at stake.
It is the fulfillment of my true self I am after. It is the part of me that loves making pictures more than any other endeavor and after forty plus years, I am finally aware this calling could be made manifest for me and shared with others.
So now that my personal timeline is closer to a half century than it was in all my previous yesterdays, I have become a more eager participant in the pursuit of my art career. Although I am working toward a passable understanding of the technology involved in sharing my art with the world, it is comforting to remind myself that I have (slowly) entered the twenty-first century.
This starts something new for me, something very exciting and long overdue. So I should finish this first message and get to work, there is still time for me to paint and I am way behind.
But maybe I’ll just make a quick sandwich first.